The Dark Side

Yet another new chapter

2010-02-08T01:31:00.002+08:00

College is starting again.
A new chapter, a new semester.
First time returning 2 college after the last exam.
The first time I actually feel the fear of going back.
Last exam was terrible.
In fact, I think the fear actually caused by new semester=results soon.
Damn scary.
This year I might be losing more than tyres.

Burden...
Responsibility...

Where actually does pressure comes from???
Within oneself?
Family?
I do wonder.

U used to tell me tat I actually worry too much and deliberately following instructions given.
U say I should voice out when feel unwilling but I dun dare.
I used to tell u tat discussion is important.
But I failed.

I failed to voice unwillingness.
I failed to accept the reasons given.
I failed to accept changes.
I failed to cope with time.

Hope that this new sem will be better for the sake of myself.
Need to keep mind open b4 jeopardizing my own future.

Special request

2010-01-04T14:32:00.002+08:00

My dear friend, Yean Yeon had requested me to actually blog about things which are more happy in my blog. Ok ok.
I'll go step by step.
First, a new year a new start.
Actually I got new year present on the first day itself.
Dun know whether it's a happy news o just another emo news.
I got 4 new tyres with 4 new rims.
Happy cause finally I change something in my car.
Not so happy cause it's actually replace cause 3 out of 4 tyres were stolen.
Sure I got some lecture now and then from parents.
But sure hope this mark a new beginning to my life.

Hey, anyway my exam coming soon but still got lots to do cause i've been busy being rebellious as counter reaction to my bro's action,
Lame....
My so called rebellious action need to stop de as need to start study.

Yet, hope tat's more gathering with friends, long lost friends.
Oh ya, another good news.
I actually got in contact with some of my NS's friends.
It's been almost few years de.
Gtg.
PS. Yean Yeon rmb to feedback oh.

Busy month

2009-11-22T01:31:00.002+08:00

Busy with assignments...
This sem has the worst arrangement.
5 days of classes per week.
5 assignments to be due.
2 research papers.
Sob sob...

I need help.
I need attention.
Ha ha...
Sounds problematic.
Damn...
How lar???

Too much 2 handle

2009-08-10T14:53:00.002+08:00

As a libran, I always wanted balance.
At least the type that benefits myself more.
But it is the fact that ntg is perfect.
Now I've only made myself in more trouble and responsibility.
I've too much to be handle by only myself.
Studies, family, relationship.
From most of them in my family, it seems to them that i'm trouble free.
Most of the time I'm just given more and more responsibility.
These responsibility is more than I've ask.
Not only that, but I do look like an idiot running all the errands.
It's always not an easy job when it comes to running my family.
Not that it's a lot of work, but lots of feedback.
Sometimes, even studies is easier than staying at home.
Father is the source of financial who seldom spend time or even effort to look at wat's happening in the house.
Mother who used to be the caretaker is now often busy with her own plans.
Brother is longer the small little bro that I used to have.
He used to be obedient, quiet and caring.
Somehow missed the time that my grandpa is around.
He understands me, help me when I got into trouble, makes me happy when i'm sad.
When we grow, our parents just provide the material needs but had neglected the main thing in a family. The care, attention, and love is neglected.
Sometimes extra effort taken is not appreciated.
Extra time given in helping is wasted.
Really wonders y I trap myself in managing a family which brings no improvement.
Just like y I continue running behind to push those left behind and y not just run ahead when I could & just abandon those behind.
Y work hard when I just end up being treat the same?
Y make myself into so much trouble?
Y?

Holidays over, Class start

2009-07-07T20:35:00.004+08:00

Now my holiday is over lor. Start short sem.
This time i've registered for 3 subject.
Wanna take more so that next time could just skip
short sem n enjoy the 3months holiday. Ha ha...
Lazy ma.
During the holiday, I din go much places.
Just went genting with friends.
Then went Tenji with high school's friend.
Ehm...
Other than these I also went 1u but I think nothing
more de.
Sobs sobs...
Since some1 say photo better than words then I
decided to add some photos.

Holiday life again.

2009-06-18T15:42:00.002+08:00

This time my holiday got more boring than usual even I've a car and could drive anywhere I want.
U need to work, so v could like last time go shopping everyday, watch movie, play The Sims.
It felt quite alone during holiday.
I trying to find for jobs but dun seems any interest me o suits me.
Sob sob....

The 1st weekend of my holiday I went genting....
Because of some1....
Ha ha....

After that, it's like I'm home nearly everyday.
Afternoon fetch my bro, fetch my bro to tuition, fetch my bro to aeon.
It seems like he's on holiday more than me.
He's much filled.
Then I need to hang clothes, laundry, cook rice, most important, clean my room.

It's officially over.

2009-06-05T17:49:00.002+08:00

It's officially over.

To many of u, this statement is not wat's on ur mind.

I'm refering to my exam for this sem.
Not only the exam is over. But my 1st year for degree also over de.
I'm now moving forward for my Year 2.

So now my holiday start. At 1st like got a lot of things to do.
But now also like nothing much to do.
Exam over, but senior already say can start study for next sem.
Haih...

For now, need to pack de. 2morrow gonna go genting.
Hope can relax and enjoy this holiday.
Anyway, if any of u got job vacancy. Let me know.
Ha ha...

Really busy ma.

2009-04-06T20:26:00.002+08:00

Recently my life really suddenly gets more of to cope with than previous.
Especially in my studies. Really got a lot work ah.
This makes me realise that I dun really suit studying with half of my final depending on coursework.
4 out of 4 are 50% coursework. Bulls eye.
Great.
Sorry for late posting and seldom blogging.
My pc been in n out the workshop.

Good news is pc fair coming.
Can go shopping for new toys again.

Bad news is my timetable is getting more and more pack.
Keep on having extra class, extra time for lab, for duty.
Then I even dun have much time for my beloved.
Sorry...

Time management really give me a headache.

Then with coursemate keep asking me to join dodgeball.
Really hard to decide.
Luckily mom n beloved also dun allow.
They say y play a stupid game which allow balls to hit u.
Ha ha ha...
Jing, sorry.
Cant help u de.

Anyway, final's coming.
Dateline even nearer.
So it might need to take a while b4 my next post.

Cussing

2009-03-15T00:50:00.002+08:00

'CUSSING'
A new word I've learn while reading the newspaper.
Coincidently, I'm having the feeling to do exactly wat the letter means.
2night I've been moved to a zone where I totally could keep swear and curse.
I've been scolding all kinds of word.
Feeling wat's wrong,
Y I even care?
I am totally angry of what that have been happening recently.
What I've done?
I've done a lot, mayb not everything but I really did take effort.
Y she scold me so much?
I really did study, did do my homework.
Y she keep have sour face?
Is it there's so many dissatisfaction?
What I've done wrong or wat I din do?
Wat?
Sober or dumb?
Patience or guilty?
Right or wrong?
No answer...

Helpless.

2009-03-05T00:48:00.002+08:00

2009...
I start of this year with bad news and unlucky things keep happen 2 me.
Even it's only the 3rd month but i've face a lot of problems and troubles.
Such as grandma's absence, laptop down, bluetooth headset spoil, timetable pack, arguments then most important, ur life's breakdown.
I really wanna help u...
But I dun know how. Ur friendship with ur friends are like those I nvr have faced.
I dun know how to help u, how to get them to be good to u, to b just like b4.
I only know tat I should be there for you whenever u need me but from tonight, I know i've fail.
I dun know how to handle stuff like these.
I felt like this is the 1st time i'm so committed in one's life.
This is like i'm so new in this thing.
From a to z, mon till sun. I'm really new.
I know the situation hurts u a lot but I dun know how to help u.
And things get worse when not only I cant help but I also cant offer u much console.
I've failed...
Failed in improving,
Failed in the role,
Failed to step up to this responsibility.
For better o worse, I only know tat i'll wait.

My 1st time

2009-02-01T16:37:00.002+08:00

This is my 1st time typing n posting my blog using a mobile phone. INTERESTING. Ha ha... Again, i'm a small kid who is excited with a new toy. Unfortunately, this toy dun belongs 2 me. As time passes, the advancement in technology had brought us very far from the stone age. Butoh everything has it's pro n con. Sad sad... Updating my blog with a palm size device isn't tat easy n fun. Quite troublesome. Got 2 go. Anyway, thanks for reading.

Quite some time

2009-01-29T00:03:00.002+08:00

It's a new year....
Ha ha ha...
Like quite far away from the new year celebration.
This year start quite bad.
Within the few months in the end of 08 till now, my life been busy.
This year starts with exam then suddenly grandma left us.
It's been quite suffering for her. Finally it end. I din get to c her for the last time. She was in hospital then. Even those who rush to the hospital also were too late.
Now....
My life is almost like housewife de.
As i'm on holiday so need to do those cooking(only rice), cleaning and etc.
But actually quite free de.
Most stuff din went well.
A bit frustrated.
Somehow hate holiday but also dun like college life.
Slacker is a word i like to describe myself.
Just not motivated and lost my direction.
Boring is the word i use to describe my cny.
Height is the question i'll ask bout my freedom.

Life is nvr the same again

2008-10-29T18:18:00.002+08:00

Blogging has become my little tiny zone for me to grunt bout my life.
I believe there're always ppl who r more misfortune than urself but tat's wat v, human likes to do. COMPLAIN bout every disatisfaction.

Since i'm the oldest child in my family, grandma's is also part of my responsibility.
Reacting to this, I start to dislike being at house. Attending to every call starts to irritate myself.
While my parents just like to slide the resposibility from one side to another, so i'm the lucky one.
At this point, I've start to think that will thing be differnt if i went UNIMAS.
I even wants to go for the UTAR kampar's jan08 intake.
Regardless of wat course, it no longer matter.
I just wanna do wat i've learn from my parents. AVOID.

I'm planning to take some time off from work since I couldn't cope with my life.
But I still have other concerns which need my attention.
I'm no longer living in a comfort zone.
No peace of mind, with restricted freedom.
I dun even wish to c my father's name on my hp's caller id.
To me, everytime he calls means he need me to do something.

Money vs. Time

2008-10-24T01:38:00.002+08:00

Inflation causes these two words to b quite important to most of us.

At the beginning of my 20s, I've finally started to carry the real burden of life.
On top of my responsibility as a student, I've a job which requires lots of time.
Then comes my family.
Grandma's condition has gone from bad to worst. From a once a while stay in PPUM with some routine checkups then now it's a alternate days of visit to the hospital.
The good news is the family members in the house are trying to commit the time and energy.
At 1st, it's tough but it's vital for her.

Time...
It's a bad news tat my college is an hour drive away then the PPUM is on the other highway from the highway to my college. And i'm still staying in Klang.
My work requires 16 hours per weekend.
My duty as student helper requires a commitment of 5 hours per week.
My subjects are mostly coursework base.
Then my life....
I hope I could spend at least some time with u without letting u feel tat i've neglected u.

Money...
Even sometimes I do wonder y i'm working part time but I think the money sure comes handy when in need. And mayb for Master.
Now grandma needs to undergo hemodialysis, quite a hefty cost.
Then later on she might need a maid as most of us cant take care of her during the day.
N i sure hope petrol and cost of living will drop further.

To all my friends who have been worried bout the family argument, I think they're ok.
Coping with stuffs just arise my temper.
Sorry for being my victim.
Sometimes i'm just tired of the callings but I will learn, learn to cope and also to step into the adulthood with a little more sense of responsibility to those around me.

A new page of life

2008-09-18T19:11:00.002+08:00

This week i've finally started my engineering stuff.
This sem i'll only need to handle 3 subjects.
Pressure arise from the 1st class itself.
Some students have even borrow books from library even b4 the class begin.
Another bad news is there's only 4gals in the class. Sob Sob....
The transition from all girls school then to all boys school.
Now even worse a class of majority guys. I'm missing the moments of those girls gossip talk and
going toilet 2gether. Ha ha... Silly me.
Yor... At 1st I thot there'll b more gals after this intake. Unfortunately things dun always go ur way.

My timetable is actually quite empty. I've to go college 3 times a week, 2 classes per day.
One week I actually have 4days free including the weekend.

Now fall sick liau. Soo Leng will b leaving for UK this fri night. Wish her all the best in her future undertaking.

Fireworks and worn out

2008-09-04T23:40:00.002+08:00

Over the holiday which started last week, I was totally occupied.
Not only during the weekdays but also on weekends, the long public holiday.
I started my part time job.
It was really tiring. Not only I need to travel to damansara but also the long hours of standing and promoting.
3days straight...
My feet and leg ache since day 1.
Phew....
Earning money is really not easy.
Then the last day of my work.
Thinking that it's over finally.

But upon reaching home, bro was outside the house.
He look sad. Then I knew it's my parents. Father walk out of the house. Asking me to advice my mom.
They argue again. This time over lots of stuff. Including some kpc complaining that I didn't make my bed everyday.
Wat does this have to do with her? Always have stupid complain.
This time 'divorce' was also brought into the discussion.
Then after one hour of swearing and all sort of issues.
Me n bro r allowed to go to bed.
Then i rush to shower b4 past out on my bed.

Exam over

2008-08-23T23:53:00.003+08:00

Exam is over... (for now)

The good news is i'm on holiday now. For three weeks.

Bad news is...

Here it goes...

My life taking the responsibility of being the eldest child in the family.

Ha ha...

It's not the news of inheriting my family empire.(there's ntg)

This might seems pretty normal for most ppl but my family is somehow a bit different.

Looks pretty normal but there's sure lots of flame and explosion.

Pretty much like the situation in the governmment.

Opposition party vs. Barisan Nasional.

Divided into two.

On top of these, the job is all bout family.

Doing things tat usually my dad need to do.

However my dad seems to been getting his workload increase after his promotion.

Trying to satisfy both party and also MYSELF.

Brother seems to be suffering the most from family tsunami.

Hope he'll be alright. If he do read this, hey anything can talk to me.

The gathering

2008-08-17T01:19:00.002+08:00

This week is still study week. I'm still pretty lazy. Just don't seem to study like doom's day.

I just came back from the gathering with my gang. We are short of cl. She's not back yet. Had dinner at Klang Seafood. But it was quite a disappointment. The food there dont taste like how it used to be. Haih... Today we really spend most of those time together talking. Then talking. After that, talking again. Ha ha....

When reach Soo Leng's house, we continue talking. Then we took a lot of photos while watching the Olympics.

By the end of the day....
Poh Ling start to get very sad. Just emo. This is most likely the last time she'll see Soo Leng before she's leaving for UK. Then she started to cry.

Lazy wanna type. So that's the end for today. It's quite late.

My 1st

2008-08-10T01:00:00.000+08:00

After my long long break from blogspot.

Finally i'm back.

To those of u reading n interested to know where I am now, I'm still living in this developing 'town', Klang. I'm not in local uni like the rest of them who went thru form 6. I'm in SEGi Uni College.(Just upgraded on 08.08.08) The Kota Damansara Campus lor. So if ever wanna go ikea,the curve, o cineleisure. Give me a buzz. So tat can kacau me.

This will be my new blog. My new beginning of my tertiary education.

Ehm... I havent really start my edu. Now still studying LAN subject. Boring as it may sounds like but I still need to go thru it. Haih... I'm still bored in segi. I quite miss form 6, miss high school.

To all my friends..
I really quite long didnt c most of u all liau.
How's life?